Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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