In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize