hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
