I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
well you can't waste a boner
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
