Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
