she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
be right there i have to get my cape
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
