you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
God, I missed his penis.
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