I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
