Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
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In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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