Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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