I heard we made out
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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