i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I deserve this hangover.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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