Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
