Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
