You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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