But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
this hospital has no fireball
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
