tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
