she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
