just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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