she looked like the bat from fern gully.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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