fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
