There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
