College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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