I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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