i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
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You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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