I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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