allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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