i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
