dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
