Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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