We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
