I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
