Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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