you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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