one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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