Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
