Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
