I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
