Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i out mim tonsoeep
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