Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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