I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Quick, to the slutcave!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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