Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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