i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
