currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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