She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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