I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
