Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
