actually, I'm a sock model
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Of course I have a pirate flag
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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