I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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