I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
