so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
