I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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