he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
