It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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