Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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