i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
