I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
