How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
