please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
