I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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