He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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