3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
