I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
