A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
