Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
