the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
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jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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