If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
