I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
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I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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