I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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